AFFAIRS OF THE HEART
OPENNESS TO LOVE
 Are you constantly moaning that you’re single? Do you often wonder why your friends always seem to meet the same undeserving, time-wasting, uncaring partners, time and time again? Moreover, do you wonder if you’ll ever find true love? To some, it can seem like every week their friends are telling them about a new love. Consequently, you end up not seeing them for months and get irregular phone calls. However, when it all goes wrong, they’re back in the picture. On the other hand, some people relish having their own space; they feel quite happy gazing through their modern flat windows. They love the easy, carefree life of being single and the non-existence of anxiety. Putting themselves through what a number of their friends do, seems unthinkable.
Many people fall in love easily and during that time, neglect their mates. “I think those women are really insecure and forget that they have a life of their own outside of a relationship. You can’t become absorbed in this bubble as soon as you meet a man”, says Sherry, 22, a student from Notts. She’s been in a relationship for 3 years. “Even though I’ve been tied down technically for 3 years, I’ve lived the life of the single girl. I’ve been completely independent. I’ve never felt like I have anyone to answer to, before I go out. I’ve put my career, family and friends before him and it’s been great”!
HAPPIER SINGLE
There are others who have never and don’t know what falling in love feels like. Sophia, from London, works in retail and is a freelance writer. “Every time I’m in a relationship, I end up getting sadder than when I’m alone. I don’t think I’m meant to be with anyone; I prefer myself to other people. I don’t know if I’ve been in love; it’s hard to judge what it is. You think you are but, you don’t know”. Why is it that some people are always in a relationship and others spend years dreaming about this great passionate affair? A highly emotional eagerness for romance scares potential people off. Whereas avoiding being in a position that you fall in love will quite obviously signal that you’ll be single for some time yet.
IDENTIFY YOURSELF
You must know who you are. If you’re unsure of your identity, when you fall in love, you’ll make that person the focus in life. It can become very destructive, compulsive and desperate. Tasha, 29, a single PR Consultant from Luton agrees, “when you’re in a relationship with someone, you connect on so many levels and when that happens, your identities merge, so to speak. Women who are insecure don’t feel like they have an identity of their own; they go seeking it in other people. The easiest way to find it is with a man; you feel protected and secure. Society makes it easier if you’re a couple; i.e. when you want to go on holiday on your own, they’re telling you about single supplement fees. So now, I’m being punished because I’m single? Wouldn’t it make more sense if everything related to that holiday was cheaper? Many restaurants only take bookings for at least two people. Aren’t we supposed to have independent lives”?
BE ASSURED
 Self-confidence, a lot of the time, can imply a greater openness to love. “In relationships you can’t expect someone else to bring the confidence out in you. You can’t have someone dictating exactly what your purpose in life is. This person will know they have so much control over you”, explains Martin Phopong, 30, Finance manager from London. He’s been single for a year but, not through choice.
MEETING THE ONE
Stuart, 34, a model from London, ended a year-long relationship last month. “I’ve never discounted falling in love again; if the right person came along that would be nice. Now, I’m quite enjoying Stu time. Although I’m surrounded by women all the time, it’s very difficult to meet suitable women”! Tasha agrees that it’s difficult to meet people. “I’ve always said I’m going to do my career first then try and find a man. I’m 30, my career is not happening and there’s no man either. What can I do?!
LOOK DEEPER
You can be open to love but, not searching and when you’re not looking, it slaps you in the face! Although, there are barriers to falling in love: such as maturity, willingness and time. However, if you’re seeking love, you must shift the torch light on yourself. Look at what you’re doing, how and why you choose the people you’re falling in love with. Things will then become much brighter.
 | 
